


Chaos

by tinydragon555



Category: Good Omens (TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amenadiel Versus Technology (Technology Wins), Chloe & Dan Being Parents, Did I mention that I shipped Dan/Charlotte?, Dimension Travel, Ella Lopez Ships Pecker, Especially Dan, Everyone is pretty scared of lawyers, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Lucifer is a retired devil, Maze's default is angry, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pierce is a Beef Stick to Everyone, Season/Series 03, Swearing, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Severely Ships Deckerstar, Trixie Decker & Mazikeen Friendship, ella is blissfully oblivious, group chat au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-06-30 02:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19843468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinydragon555/pseuds/tinydragon555
Summary: TheDevil: You all have terrible taste in music.HolierThanThou: that's most trjTheDevil: Turned on autocorrect have we, brother?HolierThanThou: ueshOrElla opens a group chat for all of her friends, chaos is soon to erupt.





	1. [BestLabTech has started a group chat.]

**Author's Note:**

> This is set middle-late season three, so Charlotte is alive, Luci has angel wings, Chloe is dating "that insufferable snob Pierce", and so on.

_ 2:47 PM _

****

**[BestLabTech has started a group chat.]**

****

**[BestLabTech has invited SuperCop, TheDevil, YesAnd, KickassDemon, CrazyChild, SharpShrink, and LTPierce.]**

****

**BestLabTech:** welcome guys!

****

**[TheDevil has joined the group chat.]**

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**[CrazyChild has joined the group chat.]**

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**[KickassDemon has joined the group chat.]**

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**[YesAnd has joined the group chat.]**

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**CrazyChild:** hi ella!

****

**BestLabTech:** hey trixie!

****

**TheDevil:** Miss Lopez, why have you created a group chat room?

****

**BestLabTech:** so we all can KIT

****

**TheDevil:** What is a “kit”?

****

**BestLabTech:** it means keep in touch, keep up dude

****

**TheDevil:** Oh, alright.

****

**[SuperCop has joined the group chat.]**

****

**SuperCop:** hi?

****

**TheDevil:** Hello Detective! Miss Lopez has created a group chat for us.

****

**SuperCop:** okay

****

**SuperCop:** wait this was the big emergency that you left the crime scene for?

****

**TheDevil:** Friends are important, Detective.

****

**CrazyChild:** yeah mom, super important, like the most important

****

**SuperCop:** ella, you invited trixie into a chat full of adults?

****

**BestLabTech:** well duh

****

**YesAnd:** I can feel the eye roll

****

**SuperCop:** quiet, dan

****

**[KickassDemon has changed their name to QueenOfHell]**

****

**QueenOfHell:** what's up bitches

****

**SuperCop:** maze! trixie can see what you're typing

****

**QueenOfHell:** so?

****

**CrazyChild:** yeah mom, so?

****

**SuperCop:** haven't we already had this talk, trixie?

****

**CrazyChild:** maybe

****

**[CrazyChild has left the conversation.]**

****

**SuperCop:** well congratulations, you all can swear now

****

**QueenOfHell:** fuck yea

****

**SuperCop:** maze

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**QueenOfHell:** you said I could swear

****

**BestLabTech:** guys this is dramatic I just made this chat for fun

****

**SuperCop:** I'm just going to finish with this crime scene

****

**TheDevil:** I will be there quickly, Detective!

****

**[SuperCop has left the conversation.]**

****

**[TheDevil has left the conversation.]**

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**BestLabTech:** rip

****

**QueenOfHell:** rip what? 👅🔪

****

**BestLabTech:** seriously, did you and lucifer time travel here from the sixties? rip. it means rest in peace

****

**QueenOfHell:** no one died

****

**BestLabTech:** dios mio- it's just internet slang, alright?

****

**[SharpShrink has joined the group chat.]**

****

**SharpShrink:** Sorry for not joining sooner, I was in session.

****

**QueenOfHell:** with who

****

**SharpShrink:** Maze, you know I can't reveal their name due to patient confidentiality.

****

**QueenOfHell:** you're no fun

****

**SharpShrink:** Thanks, Maze.

****

**QueenOfHell:** sarcasm, my number one enemy

****

**YesAnd:** how the hell were you friends with lucifer

****

**QueenOfHell:** I wasn't friends with him, back then. just a faithful servant and warrior

****

**YesAnd:** I have a feeling that's code for something

****

**QueenOfHell:** it's not

****

**YesAnd:** right

****

**[TheDevil has joined the group chat.]**

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**[TheDevil has invited HolierThanThou.]**

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**TheDevil:** Just finished dropping evidence back at the precinct, I'm going back to Lux for the time being.

****

**[HolierThanThou has joined the group chat.]**

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**HolierThanThou:** sbagwisn

****

**TheDevil:** Do you need help, brother?

****

**HolierThanThou:** essj

****

**BestLabTech:** omfg

****

**HolierThanThou:** i

****

**TheDevil:** “I" what, brother?

****

**HolierThanThou:** canh tipp

****

**BestLabTech:** I think that means he can't type

****

**HolierThanThou:** yed

****

**QueenOfHell:** holy jesus amenadiel do you have mutilated pig toes for fingers?

****

**HolierThanThou:** fuocj yoh

****

**QueenOfHell:** thank you

****

**YesAnd:** I thought sarcasm was your number one enemy

****

**QueenOfHell:** I have many enemies

****

**YesAnd:** ...and?

****

**QueenOfHell:** the enemy of my enemy of my enemy of my enemy of my enemy is my friend

****

**YesAnd:** wtf?

****

**QueenOfHell:** :)

****

**TheDevil:** I'm creating a new music playlist for Lux, would anyone like to add to it?

****

**QueenOfHell:** that one justin beaver song with the cheerleaders

****

**BestLabTech:** take me to church

****

**SharpShrink:** Toxic by Brittany Spears.

****

**HolierThanThou:** chleoet

****

**YesAnd:** one of holla's songs

****

**TheDevil:** You all have terrible taste in music.

****

**HolierThanThou:** that's most trj

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**TheDevil:** Turned on autocorrect have we, brother?

****

**HolierThanThou:** uesh

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**TheDevil:** Alright then.

****

**[SuperCop has joined the group chat.]**

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**SuperCop:** I just got trix from school, she said she's gonna be in a play

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**YesAnd:** what play?

****

**SuperCop:** romeo and juliet

****

**YesAnd:** aww

****

**TheDevil:** Those two were dreadfully young, I don't understand why the retelling of their tale is known as PG.

****

**BestLabTech:** bro, you're still in character even while texting?

****

**TheDevil:** Miss Lopez, I truly am the Devil. This “method acting” you speak of is unknown to me.

****

**BestLabTech:** 😈

****

**TheDevil:** I do not have horns, your biblical mythology gets it all wrong.

****

**[TheDevil has changed their name to TheREALDevil.]**

****

**SuperCop:** I will never understand you lucifer, honestly

****

**TheREALDevil:** That's alright, most mortals don't have the capacity to.

****

**BestLabTech:** oh decker your boyfriend's in the precinct

****

**SuperCop:** say hi to him for me

****

**TheREALDevil:** I don't understand why you chose to date that living drumstick.

****

**[LTPierce has joined the group chat.]**

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**LTPierce:** ...Living drumstick at your service. Lopez showed me she invited me to this chat room.

****

**SuperCop:** hey marcus

****

**TheREALDevil:** Oh bugger.


	2. Language

_ 5:09 AM _

**BestLabTech:** hey y'all

**TheREALDevil:** I was enjoying a rather nice nap, Miss Lopez. The Devil cannot run on two hours of sleep a day.

**BestLabTech:** sorry dude

**[CrazyChild has joined the group chat.]**

**CrazyChild:** maze woke me up really early and taught me how to throw her demon blades

**CrazyChild:** wait I forgot mom was in this chat

**CrazyChild:** how do you delete messages

**BestLabTech:** you can't

**CrazyChild:** shit

**QueenOfHell:** I'll brave the punishments, kid

**CrazyChild:** thx maze

**QueenOfHell:** the movie company?

**CrazyChild:** it means thanks

**SuperCop:** trixie!

**CrazyChild:** ohno

**[CrazyChild has left the conversation.]**

**QueenOfHell:** sometimes I hate being roommates with a cop

**SuperCop:** good for you, torture is your thing right?

**QueenOfHell:** 😈👅💕

**SuperCop:** ew gross

**TheREALDevil:** Mazikeen, stop grossing out the Detective.

**YesAnd:** holy shit this new case is mad

**TheREALDevil:** What do you mean, Dan?

**YesAnd:** this dude shot someone with a paintball gun and actually managed to kill him

**TheREALDevil:** Oh?

**YesAnd:** the even crazier thing is that the dude said the paintball gun turned into an actual army rifle and the paint into actual bullets

**TheREALDevil:** Somehow this is familiar.

**[TicketyBoo has joined the group chat.]**

**[VanillaIceCream has joined the group chat.]**

**BestLabTech:** woah how did that happen

**TheREALDevil:** It's Crawly and Aziraphale, I can tell it's them.

**TheREALDevil:** Now my phone smells like divinity and sulfur. Thanks, you two.

**TicketyBoo:** excuse me but what

**VanillaIceCream:** I believe we have accidentally crossed universes

**SuperCop:** Lucifer is this one of your weird ass tricks

**TheREALDevil:** No, Detective! There simply must have been a dimension anomaly that allowed the two to enter our universe.

**SuperCop:**

**BestLabTech:**

**YesAnd:**

**TicketyBoo:** I'm stuck in a phone with the Devil?

**VanillaIceCream:** just get out of it, Crowley

**TheREALDevil:** I thought it was Crawly?

**TicketyBoo:** I changed my name, who wants to be called “Crawly"

**TicketyBoo:** I'm not a damned bug

**QueenOfHell:** many demons would disagree

**TicketyBoo:** Aziraphale we need to get out of here

**VanillaIceCream:** agreed

**[TicketyBoo has left the conversation.]**

**[VanillaIceCream has left the conversation.]**

**SuperCop:** that was

**BestLabTech:** weird

**YesAnd:** Lucifer what the hell was that

**TheREALDevil:** I told you already!

**YesAnd:** I find it hard to believe that two people crossed dimensions and into our chat room

**TheREALDevil:** Angels and demons are exceptional in crossing universes when The Big Guy™ is involved.

**QueenOfHell:** yep

**SuperCop:** it's too early for this

**YesAnd:** true

**SharpShrink:**

**SharpShrink:** Why are there two British guys outside my office?

**TheREALDevil:** Oh that's them! Doctor, they're from another dimension. Probably shaken all to hell. 

**QueenOfHell:** rip

**BestLabTech:** yass! maze you're getting the language 😎

**QueenOfHell:** you wanna get my language?

**BestLabTech:** you mean, like, knives and stuff?

**QueenOfHell:** nope

**QueenOfHell:** dit is my taal, meisie

**SuperCop:** what language is that

**TheREALDevil:** Lilim, the language of demons, Detective. It's all the rage in Hell.

**QueenOfHell:** you mean other than the actual rage

**TheREALDevil:** ...True.

**SuperCop:** right


	3. He-Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not abandoned this fic!!!

_ 10:36 AM _

**[CrazyChild has joined the group chat.]**

**[CrazyChild has changed their name to PresidentOfMars]**

**PresidentOfMars:** school sucks

**QueenOfHell:** want me to break you out?

**SuperCop:** maze! no!

**QueenOfHell:** the only place people can tell me what to do is in the bedroom, decker

**BestLabTech:** maze trixie is so innocent please don't do this

**PresidentOfMars:** lol no

**SuperCop:** trix stop texting in class

**PresidentOfMars:** mooom stop texting at work

**TheREALDevil:** Yes, Detective. I agree with your spawn, we have a murderous criminal to capture and punish!

**QueenOfHell:** lucifer you're like a cheesy superhero from a nineties tv show

**TheREALDevil:** I beg your pardon!?

**QueenOfHell:** whatever you say, he-man

**BestLabTech:** I can't stop laughing rn I am h u r t

**TheREALDevil:** Do you require medical assistance, Miss Lopez?

**BestLabTech:** yes but no

**TheREALDevil:** This century confuses the hell out of me.

**QueenOfHell:** dude same

_ 2:28 PM _

**HolierThanThou:** hello

**TheREALDevil:** Linda is typing for you, isn't she?

**HolierThanThou:** how did you know?

**QueenOfHell:** because your sausage fingers can't even type the word “ass” and I think that's disappointing

**TheREALDevil:** Very much so, Mazikeen.

**SharpShrink:** I just left him outside my office he's too much for me to handle right now.

**SharpShrink:** Lucifer I'm probably not going to be your last therapist because of how problemental you and your family are.

**TheREALDevil:** I don't know whether to be offended, joyous, or disappointed by that.

**QueenOfHell:** aroused

**BestLabTech:** MAZE

**QueenOfHell:** why not? I am right now

**QueenOfHell:** definitely not because of this pg-rated kindergarten classroom

**QueenOfHell:** y'all need to loosen it up a bit

**YesAnd:** ^

**BestLabTech:** wow

**SuperCop:** I finish a case and come back to this

**YesAnd:** I don't understand how you’re still roommates with maze?

**SuperCop:** it is a burden I have to bear alone

**TheREALDevil:** I can evict her for you, Detective.

**QueenOfHell:** fuck off lucifer

**QueenOfHell:** you don’t deserve this fine piece of ass

**QueenOfHell:** maze out

**BestLabTech:** YOOOO MAZEEE

**BestLabTech:** total mic drop moment right there

**SharpShrink:** Honestly, no one deserves our Maze.

**TheREALDevil:** I was joking about the eviction.


	4. Retired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has such a spastic update schedule. I'm sorry. :')

**PresidentOfMars:** I don’t like mom’s new boyfriend

**QueenOfHell:** ^

**TheREALDevil:** ^

**YesAnd:** ^

**HolierThanThou:** ^

**SuperCop:** wow rude

**SuperCop:** and amenadiel, I thought you couldn’t type?

**QueenOfHell:** minor miracle, decker

**QueenOfHell:** honestly the only miracle I support

**TheREALDevil:** Truly, Maze?

**QueenOfHell:** shut your fucking cakehole

**YesAnd:** woah guys chill

**SharpShrink:** Even being my intuitive self, I don’t understand what you two are referring to?

**[SharpShrink has invited KillerDA.]**

**QueenOfHell:** wtf linda

**SharpShrink:** remember, she’s not who she used to be

**[KillerDA has joined the group chat.]**

**KillerDA:** I’m surprised it wasn’t Dan who invited me.

**TheREALDEVIL:** Run, Daniel. Run.

**YesAnd:** OH HI CHARLOTTE

**QueenOfHell:** oh shit he be in some fuckin trouble

**KillerDA:** Yes.

**SuperCop:** I’d help you dan, but honestly I don’t want to

**TheREALDevil:** ^

**QueenOFHell:** ^

**SharpShrink:** ^

**BestLabTech:** ^

**PresidentOfMars:** ^

**YesAnd:** TRIXIE I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU

**TheREALDevil:** The Detective can’t breathe, I don’t know what to do.

**BestLabTech:** dude, she’s just laughing

**THeREALDevil:** Oh.

**LTPierce:** You really need to get back to work.

**QueenOfHell:** meat sticks have no authority over me.

**LTPierce:** I’d like to see you say that to Lucifer.

**SharpShrink:** Hey! You don’t talk about our devil like that.

**QueenOfHell:** didn’t he lose his burnt shit a while ago?

**SuperCop:** what the hell are you all talking about

**TheREALDevil:** Ooo! She swears!

**BestLabTech:** this gives me hope for future decker generations

**TheREALDevil:** Ugh, you have officially turned off the Devil’s excitement.

**QueenOfHell:** bitch are you talking about yourself in the third-person?

**YesAnd:** aren’t you his keeper or some crap like that? Shouldn’t you know he does this?

**QueenOfHell:** fuck off douche

**QueenOfHell:** linda fix him

**TheREALDevil:** Fix what? I’m perfect. ;)

**QueenOfHell:** tell that to the entirety of hell and see what they think

**TheREALDevil:** …

**[TheREALDevil has changed their name to RetiredDevil.]**

**RetiredDevil:** I no longer rule, Mazikeen.

**LTPierce:** Are you going to quit your job as a consultant, too? Because I wouldn’t object.

**SuperCop:** hey! he’s a good partner, if a bit mentally unstable

**YesAnd:** I agree, excluding the “good partner” shizz

  
**BestLabTech:** you guys stop being mean to lucifer >:(


	5. Super Duper

_ 9:47 PM _

**KillerDA:** Dan is running around the apartment, trying to find his socks.

**RetiredDevil:** Charlotte, you fox. What did you do to the man’s socks?

**BestLabTech:** hey that rhymed

**RetiredDevil:** What!?

**KillerDA:** If I tell you, he’ll find them.

**SuperCop:** we actually need him at work, charlotte-

**KillerDA:** >:(

**BestLabTech:** rip dan’s socks and job

**YesAnd:** IT’S NOT FUNNY

**YesAnd:** PLEASE I BEG YOU GIVE ME BACK MY SOCKS

**QueenOfHell:** we gonna help the man or no?

**RetiredDevil:** Nope.

**SuperCop:** nah

**SharpShrink:** eehh

**HolierThanThou:** helk dsn??!m

**PresidentOfMars:** it’s funny to know he’s panicking

**BestLabTech:** y’all are mean

**BestLabTech:** c’mon amenadiel, let’s go save dan

**HolierThanThou:** kj

**YesAnd:** THANK YOU!!!

**KillerDA:** Traitors.

_ 3:02 AM _

**PresidentOfMars:** tired

**RetiredDevil:** Up late, Urchin?

**PresidentOfMars:** yee

**RetiredDevil:** Not that I encourage obedience, but it would be wise to fall asleep now.

**RetiredDevil:** Aren’t you to be at school tomorrow?

**PresidentOfMars:** I don wanna

**BestLabTech:** aww this is what woke me up? trix you should sleep

**PresidentOfMars:** I

**PresidentOfMars:** fine hve it your wa

**PresidentOfMars:** wfehjjrwgvbhrgiueejceegvui34f43ifwovhjrg

**RetiredDevil:** I believe the child to be asleep.

**BestLabTech:** you think?

**RetiredDevil:** mmm

**BestLabTech:** dude where’s your grammar

**[RetiredDevil invited XxGrimReaperxX.]**

**[XxGrimReaperxX has joined the group chat.]**

**XxGrimReaperxX:** new phone who dis

**XxGrimReaperxX:** oh. bro fell asleep

**BestLabTech:** hey who are you

**XxGrimReaperxX:** uhh

**XxGrimReaperxX:** one of lucifer’s sisters, he must have invited me by accident

**BestLabTech:** lucifer has MORE siblings!? how many??

**XxGrimReaperxX:** oh, too many to count

**BestLabTech:** luci told me that same exact thing, what’s your name irl?

**XxGrimReaperxX:** azrael :)

**BestLabTech:** you’re a method actor too? That’s the angel of death, right?

**XxGrimReaperxX:** not a method actor, it’s my real name :P

**BestLabTech:** wow you guys must have a super religious fam

**BestLabTech:** no judgement, btw, mine is too

**XxGrimReaperxX:** yep. super duper religious

**XxGrimReaperxX:** … super duper


	6. #mydude

_ 8:44 AM _

**YesAnd:** I am so tired holy crap

**RetiredDevil:** Yes, and I am as well.

**YesAnd:** did you just-

**SuperCop:** trixie was so late for school and I am not surprised

**RetiredDevil:** Read up on the latest shenanigans of this chat, Detective?

**SuperCop:** yep. enough to know that my kid stayed up until gosh darn three am

**BestLabTech:** did yOU JUST SAY “gOSH dARn”???

**SuperCop:** and that you, my friend, invited yet another one of your siblings. how do you have so many!?

**XxGrimReaperxX:** to answer that question

**RetiredDevil:** Anyways!

**BestLabTech:** we all want to know, spill the beans my dude

**RetiredDevil:** It’s a whole thing, super boring.

**XxGrimReaperxX:** true

**HolierThanThou:** mmhehe

**BestLabTech:** *spits out imaginary milk* PLLBBT

**QueenOfHell:** what even

**PresidentOfMars:** yeah what even

**BestLabTech:** _ #giveustheteaorwegiveyouahardtimemydude _

**PresidentOfMars:** o

**PresidentOfMars:** _ #giveusthetea _

**PresidentOfMars:** _ #mydude _

**RetiredDevil:** Why must you use hashtags?

**QueenOfHell:** someone educate the poor bastard oml

**XxGrimReaperxX:** rip he’s so confused, just pacing around his apartment and grunting like a madman

**RetiredDevil:** Azrael, dear, why are you in my penthouse?

**XxGrimReaperxX:** ono i have been caught

**[XxGrimReaperxX has left the conversation.]**

**RetiredDevil:** Oh no she doesn’t.

**[RetiredDevil has left the conversation.]**

**BestLabTech:** rip  _ #classicsiblingbondingtime _

**PresidentOfMars:** rip  _ #iwishihadsiblingstobondwith _

**PresidentOfMars:** _ #iwishmomwouldjustwomanupandgetmeabrotheralready _

**SuperCop:** TRIXIE!!??NO-

**BestLabTech:** trust me kid, you don’t want any siblings. take it from someone who’s suffered four big bros.

**PresidentOfMars:** >:( but I would be the older sibling

**SuperCop:** gUYS

**QueenOfHell:** yo my siblings all suck ass and I wouldn’t hesitate to murder them all

**BestLabTech:** WOW MAZE THAT’S NOT NICE

**PresidentOfMars:** ^

**SuperCop:** yeah

**YesAnd:** ^

**QueenOfHell:** no really

**BestLabTech:** :00 you are evil dude

**QueenOfHell:** thanks for the compliment ellen

**BestLabTech:** that wasn’t a compliment-

**[RetiredDevil has joined the group chat.]**

  
**RetiredDevil:** That was indeed a compliment.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to try and write one of these. What do you guys think? And, I might blend some other TV shows into this one as well. (Supernatural, Supergirl, etc.) Give me some suggestions!


End file.
